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A Cold Day

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A Cold Day

Submitted by Gail Desler on Mon, 2011-09-26 21:14.

Hello Matthew,

Out here in California, the summer is trying its best to linger on into the fall. With another week of 90 degree weather, I'd love to switch places with your character.

I think your story begs for a few more chapters. "And I never went out again until....." What would motivate your character to head outside again and brave the cold and red spots?

Thanks for sharing. I'm looking foward to many more stories from you as we journey through the school year.

Mrs. Desler

Placeville, California (just above Coloma, where gold was discovered)

thank you

Submitted by mrssimon on Tue, 2011-09-27 10:24.

Thanks I'm going to write more stories now all because of your inspiratoin, infact, I will right after I finish these coments!signed Matthew.

Mathew, You are very

Submitted by Gail Desler on Tue, 2011-09-27 18:48.

Mathew,
You are very welcome. I will really be looking forward to your next story!

Your story!

Submitted by Corinne on Tue, 2011-09-27 00:42.

Hello! Your story reminded me of a time I visited my grandparents and I work up one morning and it had snowed! I was so excited. 
I liked your story but it made me wonder, was it very, very, cold because you went outside in your pajamas? Why did you not want to go outside in the cold again?  Were you scared of the spots on your cheeks or did you think it was neat that they were so red? Are you now stuck in your house all winter long destined never to build a snowman?
My favorite part of the story was the first page. It was great, I felt like I was there with you because I could feel how excited you were with your description of eating quickly so you could go outside.  I hope to read more of your stories soon! 

Inspiring!

Submitted by Dorothy Shapland on Tue, 2011-09-27 00:43.

Hi Matthew.  
I think your story is exciting. I noticed how you described eating breakfast quickly. I wondered what those spots could be!  I hope this isn't a true story because there is great fun to be had in the cold and the snow. I wish you would write more about that moment when you saw the spots and what you were thinking and feeling!
Thanks for sharing your story.
Dorothy (Kindergarten teacher in Colorado USA)
PS I never heard of storybird before, but now I want to try it!  Thanks for the inspiration!

Cold is almost here ...

Submitted by MrHodgson on Tue, 2011-09-27 06:04.

Here in New England, the cold is not far away from us. We can tell from the leaves on the trees starting to turn red and orange and yellow already, even though the last week has felt like summer. But the trees know that change is in the air. I liked how your story captures the excitement of a snowfall and the way everyone loves to go outside. But then ... the cold brings us back into the warmth of the house. Great job with your story.
Mr. Hodgson

comment

Submitted by ryepie1 on Tue, 2011-09-27 15:29.

 

I like the descriptive writing.Please give more details about the spots. Are you sick ? What are the spots?Please continue writing I love Your stories!Wink;]