Elevator!

Discussion
Nov 7, 2014
by: sbravo

My huge, huge family was going to a 15-year-old's birthday party. We were all invited, and my cousin and his family were going too. When we got there, I was very surprised. When we got to his house, we were too early. The party didn't start until 7:30 pm.

We waited until the party started and more people were there. At one point, I got bored at the party and my cousin, Brian and I were playing a game on our DS. We kept playing. It was 6:30 p.m., and Brian and I got bored. I went into his room, and we watched a scary movie. We both loved it, and we ate some popcorn.

Brian and I got pretty bored again, so he said, “We should play Truth or Dare.”

He dared me to go inside the elevator.

I said that he should go first.

So we kept arguing about who will go inside, then he said, "I will go,” so I followed him.

Bad idea! I thought he was going in first, but he pushed me in.

When I was in the elevator, I freaked out! I was so scared that I didn't know what to do. So I was yelling and screaming for help so much that a lady helped me to get back to my floor.

She said, “Just press the button,” and I started to calm down.

When I got back, my dad was mad at me for going into the elevator.

When it was party time, my dad was happy and he forgot all about it. I guess he was having a good time at the party.

Next time, Brian and I play a game, we are not going to keep getting into trouble. We are not going to do stupid things in “Truth or Dare.” Brian and I will not do that ever again.

I was very surprised that he did that to me.

Comments

Response

20shumj's picture
Submitted by 20shumj on Thu, 2015-04-23 18:29.

Hi sbravo, I found your experience quite interesting because a lot of the time, people get into those type of situations. They end up doing something they shouldn't. One sentence that stood out was, "Brian and I will not do that ever again," because it shows just how much your experience has affected your outlook on life. It's a very bold comment. Something else that stood out to me was "I was very surprise that he did that to me." It's almost as if you're questioning how much you trust him. Instead of just focusing on what not to do, you're also focusing on what makes a true friend.
This reminds me of when I, myself got dared to do something by my friend. For some reason, I did it and got in trouble. It's not worth it to do it to show off. Something I feel like you can work on with your story is add in some dialogue to show what you said to each other. Also, you can introduce the story better by describing the birthday party and where the elevator was. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your story.

Your experience was something

20adouiml's picture
Submitted by 20adouiml on Fri, 2015-04-24 16:06.

Your experience was something that happens all of the time between siblings. They would always try to trick you or make you do what they want you to do. When your brother pushed you into the elevator, it was something that couldn't be forseen, their was trust and then he broke it. Truth or dare is a dangerous game, people are usually; mentally, emotionally, or physically hurt. After your dad go mad at you, you learned that not all game are innocent at heart. As humans, we make mistakes nearly everyday-whether someone realizes it, or not. The important thing is to learn from them, which is what you did.
It was also interesting how your dad forgot all about the event (he probably remembered now since you wrote about it). Most parents will continue to yell and punish their kid even if they are at a party. This just goes to show that sometimes having fun can take away all of the worries of a person. I suggest that you elaborate more on your feelings when you were in the elevator to make it more dramatic. Also add some more back story to captivate the reader.

A Common Thing

20adouiml's picture
Submitted by 20adouiml on Fri, 2015-04-24 16:07.

Your experience was something that happens all of the time between siblings. They would always try to trick you or make you do what they want you to do. When your brother pushed you into the elevator, it was something that couldn't be forseen, their was trust and then he broke it. Truth or dare is a dangerous game, people are usually; mentally, emotionally, or physically hurt. After your dad go mad at you, you learned that not all game are innocent at heart. As humans, we make mistakes nearly everyday-whether someone realizes it, or not. The important thing is to learn from them, which is what you did.
It was also interesting how your dad forgot all about the event (he probably remembered now since you wrote about it). Most parents will continue to yell and punish their kid even if they are at a party. This just goes to show that sometimes having fun can take away all of the worries of a person. I suggest that you elaborate more on your feelings when you were in the elevator to make it more dramatic. Also add some more back story to captivate the reader.

A Common Thing

20adouiml's picture
Submitted by 20adouiml on Fri, 2015-04-24 16:07.

Your experience was something that happens all of the time between siblings. They would always try to trick you or make you do what they want you to do. When your brother pushed you into the elevator, it was something that couldn't be forseen, their was trust and then he broke it. Truth or dare is a dangerous game, people are usually; mentally, emotionally, or physically hurt. After your dad go mad at you, you learned that not all game are innocent at heart. As humans, we make mistakes nearly everyday-whether someone realizes it, or not. The important thing is to learn from them, which is what you did.
It was also interesting how your dad forgot all about the event (he probably remembered now since you wrote about it). Most parents will continue to yell and punish their kid even if they are at a party. This just goes to show that sometimes having fun can take away all of the worries of a person. I suggest that you elaborate more on your feelings when you were in the elevator to make it more dramatic. Also add some more back story to captivate the reader.

Dear sbravo: This story was a

20wua's picture
Submitted by 20wua on Sun, 2015-04-26 16:38.

Dear sbravo:

This story was a experience and a lesson to you I'm guessing. Well, some people out there may not also be great people, so you have to learn to take care of yourself. In this experience, something as harmless as a "Truth or Dare" game turned out to be dangerous. This shows that you have to take into caution of things even if they don't seem like harm.

I have a couple questions for you though. Why did you get scared of an elevator? no offense just curious. Also how can you trust someone like Brian, he was just evil to you. Furthermore, it surprises me that your dad got mad at you for going into a elevator, were you very young then?
Please respond asap!

Your story also reminded me of a time in which I had a situation similar to yours. My friend and I were walking to the store, she wanted to try to jaywalk across the street because she was impatient. So she tried to drag me along, but I knew my mom would get really mad even if I was hurt or not. so I ditched her and told her that she shouldn't either (of course she didn't listen), sorry but that was dangerous. Then she became so-not friend anymore and yeah taking care of yourself is vital. Thanks for your writing!

Dear sbravo: ~ I am happy

20tranh's picture
Submitted by 20tranh on Sun, 2015-04-26 19:11.

Dear sbravo:
~
I am happy about the decisions you made in this post, "Elevator," because you did something with Brian while you were bored, and then learned a lesson.
~
One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is: "When it was party time, my dad was happy and he forgot all about it. I guess he was having a good time at the party." I think this is great because your dad realized that you've learned your lesson and forgave you. Then he allowed you to continue having fun!
~
Another sentence that I liked was, "Next time, Brian and I play a game, we are not going to keep getting into trouble. We are not going to do stupid things in “Truth or Dare.” Brian and I will not do that ever again.
I was very surprised that he did that to me." This stood out for me because you were surprised at his reaction, which meant you had a different expectation at his reaction than you first thought.
~
Your story reminds me of something that happened to me. One time I got stuck in the elevator, but it wasn't the same situation like yours, even if i did freak out and kicked the door 20 times before it started working again.
~
Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because this story was very interesting.