It seems as though the popular topics for our final youth voices posts are endings and reflections on our last four years. But when I think about the end of high school, I don't get nostalgic so much as I find myself thinking about friendship. I wonder which of my high school friendships will last and which will fade, and whether there will be any surprises. I'd like to think that all of my friendships will last, providing we're only counting people with whom my friendship is mutual. But the idea of mutuality is important. I have never been interested in anything non-mutual. I've never understood why anyone would put all of the effort into any sort of relationship. If someone doesn't care exactly as much as you do, it seems pointless and degrading to continue expecting them to do so. In An Abundance of Katherines by John Green a character states what I'm trying to say a lot more clearly than I can
You know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves. I mean, I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never being interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, and for, like, never asking me about how it’s going with my girlfriend - but I don’t give a shit, man, because you’re you. My parents have a shit ton of black Santas, but that’s okay. They’re them. I’m too obsessed with a reference website to answer my phone sometimes when my friends call, or my girlfriend. That’s okay, too. That’s me. You like me anyway. And I like you. You’re funny, and you’re smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.
Sidenote: Upon further reflection this quote means a lot more and makes a lot more sense if you've actually read the book, but if it bothers you that you'll never understand the subtle nuances of the point I was just trying to make, first of all you should maybe choose better issues to worry about like world hunger or malaria, but if you just can't shake the feeling that you NEED to know, I highly recommend the book so you should just read it.
Anyway it may sound cold, but there are 6.6 billion people in this world so it seems like a waste of time to settle for friends who don't genuinely care about you; in which case maybe it's a good thing that some friendships end if you can't alter your expectations. But I also have friendships that I hope will improve when they've moved out of the high school environment. A fight between two people can mess up an entire group dynamic, but when you're in different states that group dynamic ceases to matter.