Katherine, Mi Amor
Have you ever been misunderstood, that unquenchable desire for people to understand your feelings and what you’re going through? I've gone through something like that before, but it was a very very long time ago, a time when anything and everything I said would be taken the wrong way or someone would analyze it and change my every word. But that's the problem with the world today, everyone wants to be heard, understood and loved. Unfortunately everyone can't be heard, understood and loved in the same way.
People are sometimes misunderstood because they take their own perceptions of life and that's what they use to judge others. But the thing is you can't judge everyone the same because every living thing is completely different and has a different understanding of what's right and wrong in the world. Like the decision of having an abortion or not. Personally I think the choice is yours, but others beg to differ because thats one human life you just executed and that's something you have to live with for the rest of your life. But there are some people in the world who can manage such emotions, like me.
People are also misunderstood culturally because some people in the world make perceptions based solely on things in the media, such as Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Instagram. Things that are being shown in the media aren't necessarily true. This is also true in the news because they don't always tell what exactly happened . They only tell what they believe to be solely important , such as the aftermath of what happened versus the actual facts. Politicians also do that as well, they judge some people based on the actions of people who look similar and have similar problems.
A time when I was misunderstood was a few months ago when my girlfriend, Katherine said, "It's time for us to move on with our lives, go experience the world, and be free from each other." The reason she wanted this was because she wanted me to be who I was, but not who I truly was.
The main problem was that I loved her more than life, more than my own humanity. She knew me all too well, merely the thought of my being without her devastated me. I feel like I've been exiled from her life, so I went away, away for four month to better myself. Every day I spent with her made me a better person. It also made me understand why the survival of humanity means so much to her. After I told her what I did to stabilize my life and to satisfy my own selfish needs, I wasn't myself when I was with her in the beginning. She made me feel that overriding instinct to destroy.
Now I watch her everyday, but I live in the shadows simply because I'm a coward when it comes to showing affection to others. To be there out in the open where everything is always happening, for her to know and question what I'm up to: that won't end well. Katherine could easily change my course of action whether intentionally or unintentionally. What other choice do I have than to live in the shadows? The purpose for this is for me to be there by not being there. If Katherine knew what I was up to, she’d drive a knife straight through my heart the second she knew she could. This is precisely why I must be cautious. Katherine and I aren't exactly on good terms. She has her reasons for why she left, and I have my thoughts of why she left. But the real reason she left is still unknown.
Katherine was the center of my life, like gravity. She is the only thing holding planets and stars together, farther than the human eye can see. She made me feel like I could do anything, even things beyond the realm of reality. Katherine and I are complete opposites, she loved to hear me explain how I could possibly love her as much as I do, being that I'm not the best person in the world.
Think about is like this. You know how there are those certain people in the world that cannot get under your skin? Well Katherine was exactly the opposite, she was the only person that for some reason I could not avoid. Whether it was because I loved her or simply because she was just one of those people.
Secondly, ahhh, and this is why I've been misunderstood. The woman that I so dearly love is without me. There's nothing more important to me than her survival and satisfaction. But that's the reason I'm without her today. Simply because she feared what I would do just to ensure her survival in this world.
Every time I hear the name Katherine, every time it's like a knife through my very cold heart. And even today, Katherine and I aren't engaged in a any type of relation with each other. The emotion Katherine sent through my body is like the adrenaline you get when you jump out of a plane.
Katherine, the girl of my dreams, the woman that I love, and the person I can't live without.
In all honestly, Katherine would always say things like, "Dont leave me, no matter what happens. I'll always be here for you."
And at the time, and still today, I trusted no one, believed in nothing people told me. So my response was, "Katherine, you know the truth about me. You know what I've done, what I'm going to do and how I feel about you."
But my personality was different and always changing like the weather. I told everything to Katherine, for 450 days, every day, all day I would speak to her, ask her questions like, "What are you doing right now?"
She'd always say, "With my mother on her job."
If there is anyone that knows literally everything about me, it's Katherine!
On June 7th, I told Katherine, "I'm leaving once again, the last time I left it was for 4 months. I had to leave to ensure your safety. You'll never know what I sacrificed to be with you and love you. I'm going to Colombia, but of course you don't care. I need to better myself because I need to learn how to live without you. Of course I chose otherwise, but once our worlds intertwined, the end result will be catastrophic!"
For the last 15 months, for the last 450 days, I said Katherine, "I love you! I love you more than my own life. I’d rather die right now than spend a handful of years with you, only to lose you when I’m too old and sick and miserable and you’re still you. I’d rather die right now than spend my last final years remembering how good I had it and how happy I was, because that’s who I am, Katherine, and I’m not going to change. And there’s no apology in the world that encompasses all the reasons that I’m wrong for you."
In conclusion, this explains why I've been misunderstood. My girlfriend feared what I would do because of how much I emphasized my love for her.
There's no feeling more painful than being misunderstood by the person you love, others tell me. I was completely and dreadfully misunderstood. At first, I thought this was minor, and did not need to be paid attention to. But soon after, I learned I was very wrong.
Ultimately, I think I was misunderstood not only because of who I am, but because of what I’ve done. The downfall of that is just me losing a good thing. People all across the globe deal with this problem every day of their lives. Constantly asking that question, saying it over and over again:
"Why don't you understand what I mean?" "How can you out of all people not understand what I mean, feel and need?"
Until these questions can be answered and the people of the world can be satisfied, people will always ask this question: "Do you understand me?" leaving people, yet again, in confusion.