Personality, relationships, marriage and love

Apr 26, 2009
by: bmong
Personality is a topic I did for a long time and I am still interested in it because it influences our lives. If we understand our personality, it will help to know ourselves more and do better in daily lives. Recently, I was interested in personality and relationships. I've a lot of questions such as how does personality affect our relationships? What is the important issue which affect our relationships with others? I'm interested in this topic as it is closely bound up with my daily life. It can help to improve my social life and my relationship between friends, family..etc.
Right now, I'm wondering how does personality affect our relationships? As I was reading in my Google Reader, a blog post, "Personality and Relationships,",  caught my attention because this post is talking about my question of personality. And I want to know how does people's personality affect their family, friendships, or relationships between couples.
There is a quote I think it answered my question about how does people's personality affect relationships. "Understanding your own personality type and the personality type of the other person involved in the relationship will bring a new dynamic to the situation, which will allow better understanding and communication."
This statement is important because it pointed out how does personality affect our relationships between different people. People need to have good understanding of each other in order to have better communication. To keep a good relationship with others, we need to give effort to make the relationship becomes strong and positive. Personality also affect relationships because different types of personality can affect different ways of communication and expectation. Also, people with different personality affect their values of choosing friends or even lovers.
There is a theory talking about "Opposites Attract". This kind of concept is mainly comes to love relationships. People are naturally attracted to someone different from us because of excitement. However, it is also because two individuals with different personality can help the relationship to be more well-rounded. The Opposites Attract Theory that our natural attraction to our opposites is a subconscious way of forcing us to deal with the weaker aspects of our own nature. That is the reason why opposites personality involved in intimate relationship. However, in other kinds of relationships, the opposites attract is not existed. It is because people mostly dislike to work with someone unlike themselves and will not give great motivation and patience dealing with people of different personalities.

However, I am thinking why there are many couples can stay together with the same personality. As the writer wrote in the post, there is a phrase of "Birds of a feather flock together". And that's why there are also exceptions besides opposites attracts. Two individuals have similar personality who communicate on the same level. Also, most of the people will communicate the best with people who share their same information. And they can mostly have the longest and happiest relationship. It doesn't mean that people with different preference cannot have a successful relationship. But mostly, people frequently settle down with the birds of the same feather.
I try to learn more about relationships and personality so I found an article which talked about how does personality affect marriage. As I was reading in my Google Reader, a magazine article, Marriage and Personality Type,"",  caught my attention because it talks about people's interests, attractions and values, and how does these things affect the choice of different people choosing their partners.
The quote I chose here is basically saying: "Whilst personality is something that each individual takes into account when considering a marriage partner, there are no overall patterns to personality attraction. From this perspective, any research into this area is unlikely to show any correlations between personality type and marriage."
I think this quote stated clearly that personality type doesn't have a big correlation with marriage. However, it is really a consideration of people choosing their partners. As what I learned in the previous reading of "Personality and Relationships",, there are opposites attract and birds of a feather flock together. It means people tend to choose partners who are different from themselves, or they tend to choose partners who are similar to themselves. In Isabel Briggs-Myers' book (Gifts Differing), there are some data looked at how many preferences married couples had in common.
No of preferences in common Percentage found Percentage expected 'by chance'
All 4 9% 6%
3 35% 25%
2 33% 37%
1 19% 25%
None 4% 6%
This table indicated that similarity is more attractive than differences. It showed that people would mostly get married with birds of a feather than opposites attract.
Also, there are some evidence to suggest the latter from Ray Cattell's research in the 16PF Handbook. It indicated that people who are similar can make the marriage more long-lasting. In the research, 16PF husband-wife correlations in stable, positive and happy marriage. However, half of them plan to divorce and become negative, and most of them are with different personality. Through these information, I can know that people can mostly get married with similarity, however, it is harder for different people with different personality to form a long-lasting marriage.

Although I understand that personality is not the most effective part of a marriage, it still has an influence between a couple. That's why I am going to find out more about how to form a happy marriage.
As I was reading in my Google Reader, a blog post, "Personality and Happy Marriage,", caught my attention because while I read the article briefly, I found that there are many questions stated by the writer, and some of them were also my own questions, so I interested in it and continued reading it.

The quote I chose here is basically saying: "Love that bound them in the beginning will become the first victim of the differences."

I think this is strong because I agreed that love is the most important part of a marriage. However, there are many different issues such as habits, nature, values, life goals, beliefs...etc, which affect the relationship between couple. Small problems can solved easily because of the love between two people. However, the divergence personality of two people can be a big deal in a marriage, which love will also get sacrificed. And it is the reason why I chose this quote. Because I agreed that although love play an important role in marriage, people can be a victim of love as the differences in personality.
*momoc 拍攝的 ring。
This is a picture from Momoc, I found it is meaningful because a ring indicated a marriage. It represented love and a promise between a couple. This picture showed the most important meaning of a ring and why a ring indicated love and marriage.

As what I learned, I found that personality affect relationship because having a good relationship with others, communication is the best way to keep it, and people's personality affect much on their behavior and communication. People naturally like to be with people to have different personality, in order to help them facing their problems or weaknesses. But it only happens between couples, but not friends or coworker. On the other hand, people are birds of the same feather. Most of the time, forming a happy and long-lasting marriage between couples, are people who have similarities more than those who are different in personality. It doesn't mean opposite people cannot form a happy relationship. However, the most important issue of marriage is love, people can overcome little problems because of love, however, the biggest problem of marriage can be the couple's personality. People with totally different personality get married will have a higher chance of divorce. It can turn people to be a victim of love.