Pops

Discussion
Feb 12, 2016

I’m always asked if I am all right.

My response is always, “Yes," with a smile. But the truth is I’m hurt because you don’t need me. I want to say, “My dad does not love me. That’s what’s wrong.”

When you left, I became someone who isn’t me! But somehow, this is me now.

I’m sorry that I’m not good enough. I’m trying to be good enough for you, and for everyone. I miss being with you. How come the other family you have is good enough? I’m hurting. A lot. No one understands me. I always try to make everyone happy and be there for the ones who need me to be. My mommy tells me stories of how you always took care of me and always wanted me with you, of how much you loved me, and I just wonder where did I go wrong?

You treated my family like crap. They never forgave you but I did. I let you back in, but you know what?

I’m thankful you were there while I grew. Some people don’t even know their dads. I just wish you stayed dad. I don’t want to argue with you anymore, but for some reason you do, and you think I want to. I think because you hurt me so much, because you don’t love or care about me, it affected me in every way.

Even though I am alive, it feels like I’m dead. I still go through it, and you aren’t there for me. I guess it’s like you have to “choose your second family.” I’m not trying to sound selfish. I just wish you loved me the way you do with them.

Sometimes I can’t even sleep. Sometimes I don’t even feel like talking or do anything at all. I’m just trying to figure out where did I go wrong, man? I just really miss you. You are happy without me. You don’t even care. I don’t expect you to be sad. I want you to be happy, but I just wish you’d call. I’m sorry for not being what you wanted me to be, what everyone wants me to be. I’m still trying figure out what I did.

I remember you helping me ride a pink Barbie bicycle without the training wheels. You believed I could do it.

My life has been a roller coaster, but overall it’s been a great life. We had our ups and downs. So many downs.

I’m mature now, at least I think so. I’m hoping you have matured. I do not hate you. I hope our relationship can grow now into a real father/daughter relationship because I don’t mind making that happen. I've always wondered if we would continue life pretending like the other didn’t exist. I’m hoping that one day we can have our father/daughter relationship back, the way it was when I was just a little girl. I hope you also realize that I am also you’re child because you didn’t just have one. You had two more.

As you can see I have become a woman. I’m not a little girl anymore, and I hope you can accept that. I know when you get to know me all over again you will be very proud of me because I’m a smart person, good-hearted amazing person that only wishes for happiness and sunshine everyday. Even though you haven’t been there for me and we don’t speak does not mean you do not cross my mind.

I write to you all the time, even though I don’t show you these letters. You broke my heart. I’m just sorry I’m not the perfect daughter, sorry I am not enough. I just wish you knew I’m trying. I shouldn’t have to beg you to be in my life. I can’t help but think that if you hadn’t abandoned me these various problems wouldn’t be here, but you have many reasons for it.

I look just like you, and I hate it. What did I to you for you to stop loving me? I’ll do anything to be how it used to be. Nobody really gets me like you do, but then again you don’t always understand me. I’m just like you. I get angry just like you, laugh and eat like you, but I don’t want to hurt anyone like you. At times I just feel like such a disappointment to everyone around me.

I thought writing would make me feel better again. Well it doesn’t. I just wish I was five again so we can play one more time and be with you one more time. Ever since the day you left me, I have been left with this empty hole in my chest. You promised me that you would always be by my side. You seem to enjoy watching me suffer. I needed you, and you didn’t care.

My mom became my daddy and mommy, and you? I hate you. I understand you remarried and have kids, but what about me? But you couldn’t be there for me?

There are so many questions I want answered. Be a man and admit your wrongs. Why won’t you? I’ve finally started to accept that my dad isn’t coming back. Since our last conversation there hasn’t been a day when I don’t think of you and miss you.

You started missing my birthdays. You broke my heart. Do you even realize the damage you’ve caused me "Dad"?

Comments

Wow...stunning

Submitted by Roan522 on Thu, 2016-02-18 19:52.

I don't want to invade your privacy, but since it's here this isn't. I'm sitting here at a loss for words. You seem amazing. A girl who has been through so much and here you are and your writing is poetic and beautiful and amazing and it tells a story and my God I'm impressed. I'm at a loss for words because a girl who I will never meet has written something that blew my mind. I can't say something about what happened because I don't know you, and I don't know the situation, and I don't know your story, but wow can you write. Please, don't stop, don't let anyone stop you this is amazing.

So impactful

Submitted by Katie J. on Thu, 2016-02-18 20:17.

This is a very emotionally powerful piece of writing. It opens a door to me on how you are feeling about how your dad left your family. Which for me, a person who has never experienced it, gets a picture or an idea on what that experience might feel like if it happened to me. I can tell you were really sincere with the writing, which really does bring a reader like me in. You have been through so much from this happening to you and I applaud that you chose to write about such a tough topic. I wish for the upmost best for you, I want you to have more ups in your life than downs, so keep going strong! I enjoyed, yet sadly, reading about such a personal experience you shared with the people on Youth Voices.

I'm Sorry

Submitted by aneliesebaker on Fri, 2016-02-19 07:50.

I'm sorry that such a wonderful girl like you has to deal with abandonment at such a young age; this piece is inspiring not because of what you have been through, but how you chose to deal with it. The pain of betrayal and sorrow have brought you forgiveness and humility, even when this man does not deserve such things. You are strong to even put these thoughts out into the world, but I hope that one day he will read this, or at least someone who has dealt with similar situations. I cannot attest to these problems, for I do not have them, but I know countless people who are hurting that do. Thank you for having the courage to submit this, because I know some need to read it more than I.

life storys

Submitted by chughley on Mon, 2016-03-07 14:03.

Dear Ashely

I am mindful about your letter, “pops” because i understand were your coming from because i understand my father was there for me but never had a relationship with my dad. Also i feel bad for you because nobody should have that type of problem with their parents.

One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is “i'm not a little girl anymore , and i hope you can accept that i know when you get to know me all over again you will been threw the same thing.

Another sentence that i feel unhappy about is “when you left , i became someone isn’t me ! but somehow ,this is me because my dad left and i became a person that knows where i need to be and i know right from wrong.

Your letter reminds me of something that happened to me. One time my father got into trouble and was away from home for a long time and that hurted me. Because he tought me how to play basketball and now today i'm very good at it.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because you have a lot of curious things in your life that's interesting and the same as my life.

life storys

Submitted by chughley on Mon, 2016-03-07 14:03.

Dear Ashely

I am mindful about your letter, “pops” because i understand were your coming from because i understand my father was there for me but never had a relationship with my dad. Also i feel bad for you because nobody should have that type of problem with their parents.

One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is “i'm not a little girl anymore , and i hope you can accept that i know when you get to know me all over again you will been threw the same thing.

Another sentence that i feel unhappy about is “when you left , i became someone isn’t me ! but somehow ,this is me because my dad left and i became a person that knows where i need to be and i know right from wrong.

Your letter reminds me of something that happened to me. One time my father got into trouble and was away from home for a long time and that hurted me. Because he tought me how to play basketball and now today i'm very good at it.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because you have a lot of curious things in your life that's interesting and the same as my life.

life storys

Submitted by chughley on Mon, 2016-03-07 14:03.

Dear Ashely

I am mindful about your letter, “pops” because i understand were your coming from because i understand my father was there for me but never had a relationship with my dad. Also i feel bad for you because nobody should have that type of problem with their parents.

One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is “i'm not a little girl anymore , and i hope you can accept that i know when you get to know me all over again you will been threw the same thing.

Another sentence that i feel unhappy about is “when you left , i became someone isn’t me ! but somehow ,this is me because my dad left and i became a person that knows where i need to be and i know right from wrong.

Your letter reminds me of something that happened to me. One time my father got into trouble and was away from home for a long time and that hurted me. Because he tought me how to play basketball and now today i'm very good at it.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because you have a lot of curious things in your life that's interesting and the same as my life.