The rain in the kitchen

Discussion
Jan 22, 2015
by: szeress95

One of the summer morning when I woke up, like always I made coffee. The sun was up already and was shiny like a diamond and that light came into my eyes. I finished making the coffee and I thought that day going to be a same boring day but not. Marsha just woke up probably she smelled the coffee that’s why.

I said, “Good morning.”

“Good morning you too,” She said.

I asked, “How you slept?”

She’s replied, “Good thanks for asking.”

After all, I heard something like water dripping and I turned to check out the sink, but It’s not coming from the there it’s came from the ceiling and I was exactly standing under it.

I yelled to Marsha, “Hey came here look up and listen.”

”Why?” She said, “What’s happened?”

I just dictated, “Just come!”

She came to see what was happening. We seeing the water just started coming like a Niagara, but it wasn't that beautiful. If you were there you could see how dirty that water was, just dripping down, and the smells just when you go into the house which is about 50-100 years old. Marsha's face got so red and you could see the steam coming from her brain after she saw that.

I told her, “Please turn off the electricity.”

She first didn't really hear me. Maybe because she just woke up or she was very surprised or very angry about this.

I replied, “Came on just turn off.”

She raged, “I know I have to turn off so don't worry about it.”

She went to turn off the electricity and I just was standing and watching how much dam water coming from upstairs. She taught about she has to call the building super whose name is Jimi. She was very furious and she picked up the phone and started dialing Jimi. Ring Ring Ring.

“Good Morning Jimi This is Maryun from the ## 5G and the water is dripping from the ceiling in the kitchen.” She fumed.

I didn't hear what Jim said but sometimes that guy is really slow like a snail and he not getting what you saying a first time so Marsha told him one-two more times to understand and don't miss anything.

I asked “So what Jimmy said?”

“He said he coming up and check in here and upstairs.” She answered.

I consoled “Oh okay I hope he will be fast as possible.”

After a few Jimi was in the apartment and he checked the damage and He saw how fast and how much shit is coming from upstairs.

“Imma go up there and check out what the dude doing there,” He said.

We agreed, “Oh okay just do it fast before the ceiling falls.”

About two minute later, he came back.

He told us, “They forget running the water in the sink.”

Maryan just looked up and nodded.

She raged, “Just please take care of the chandelier.”

Why? Its was full with water and if we again want to turn on electricity we have to make it dry. He took off a lot of water came down and not just from there it was still dripping a water but he couldn't do nothin he's not a wizard.

He left and I was still in the kitchen and thought about open the window so that it would be drying faster. I went to there and opened that window. After that, I stepped back and the ceiling just fell! I could have been in that accident. It just missed me by like one or two seconds, but I didn’t get hurt.

I called Marsha, “Came here look at that what just happend.”

She came.

She was miffed, “This can't get much worse.”

“Yes, you're right,” I crooned, and I told her, “This almost fall to my head when I opened the window.”

She asked, “Are you all right Bea?”

I replied, “Yes, of course two seconds helped me to not get hurt.”

She comforted me, “All right we have to wait till all the water drops off.”

I consoled her, “Okay Ms.”

After all of that, we waited for the water to drop off and get a little dry and everything, and we cleaned up.

Maryun sent a picture and video of the accident to the lender to fix it, and in a week they fixed it, ut not in a perfect way because they didn't call professional person, just Jimi. It's still better then the hole on the ceiling.

Comments

Suspenseful

elyseea's picture
Submitted by elyseea on Sun, 2015-01-25 12:29.

Dear Beatrix,

I was drawn to your post about Rain in the Kitchen first by the title. So intriguing! I thought it was a great way to set up suspense for your post.

When I read more and learned about your experience with the leaky ceiling, I was very interested to see what happened next. Although I don't live in an apartment, as a homeowner I know how serious a leak like that can be. I think it must be even more serious in an apartment where there are more floors above you. So the set up of the story was very suspenseful too.

One of the impressive things about your piece is the vocabulary. I know from your profile that you are learning English, so the very specific and rich vocabulary was impressive. Words like 'croon' are not typical, so they paint a word picture. You also included a lot of dialogue which gave the piece life.

I don't know if you are thinking about doing more with your story, but I think you could. After the suspense of the set up, you take us through the story where it gets fixed by the super and then later by the landlord. I could see that you could make a more focused or dramatic ending. I wondered: what did she learn? or, what is the main point she would want me to take away? So I could imagine that if you wanted to do another draft or make it into a story, you could.

All in all it was a very vivid piece of writing. Thank you for sharing.