The Sad Lonely Sky
As I watch outside I see that darkness and greyness of the clouds that makes the day seem like a lot of people have perished in one blast. It makes me feel like I am the only one in the world that is feeling like the day and is making me feel like there is nothing better to do then just stare up into the sky, and look and wonder when the light will come back again. It is almost spring and there should be the warm southern air coming in from the south coming into the cold and dark and white north. I feel more comfortable when the sun is out when there is light and almost nothing is hiding in shadow, no shadow time no place to be left in the darkness. Now in the sky I see a dark sky and the heaviness of rain, or snow or sleet or hail coming down.
Things that are in the way of my writing today is the weather, my sleepiness from not sleeping enough hours last night and just having thoughts in my head the buzzed all night and did not let me go to sleep. Another thing that wont let me write a lot would be the teacher talking sometimes it distracts me but he is a guide that is helping me think more of what I truly want to write.
What am I thinking about, I am thinking about how much snow is there going to be tomorrow, and if the city decides to close the schools, I would get to sleep in late and recover from my bad night, and I would be more refreshed from a lot of bad nights I could not sleep that way I can get to think more about what I must do and what I must have done by the end of each day. I think about other stuff too, if I am going to see my boyfriend today or not, or if I am going to decide to just go home and take a nap to recover from not sleeping.
Something that is grabbing my attention is the sky, I am not certain to what it will lead and what I will continue on to talk about, All I know is that when I start to talk about something that I am not that certain of it can go to many other topics, its hard for me to stay on one topic. Well I am thinking about the sky because I have not seen the sun so far in like 3 days and I am starting to miss the warmth and the brightness of the sun that it lights up my face, and it makes the air fresh it makes it easier to see outside, you see people going on with their day and there is no problem with anyone, well not everyone will be happy, but not everyone would want to be in when its sunny outside everyone wants to go out and play and have fun and buy something or walk around which is why I love Spring, because the temperature is perfect and there is no reason for people not to go out, and everyone wants to walk around get some fresh air. During the winter I feel like people are hibernating because everyone mostly spends inside in the brittle cold, and the snow and sometimes the rain and the bare naked trees that would just make everything seem dead, although the best celebrations happen during the winter time its still a sad time of my year.
Why did this catch my attention why did this make me want to write about it more, and want to elaborate about my feeling about what I see what I hear what I feel. I feel very gloomy, I feel like there is nothing to do today like its supposed to be a day of just reflecting of just thinking and seeing what part of life you have reached and what you have to go on for. I think that there is more to then just thinking but actions. The thoughts in my head during this rainy day is just the reality of what I have done. Of what I will do, and of what I am doing. I ask myself why this makes me think, why these silent, gray, and rainy or snowy day makes me think. I miss the sun and all I know is that when the sun comes out I will be free to do everything I left when I first notices the sun being covered by white and gray clouds.
Tomorrow might be a great day to go out and play and see other people and just have fun, the brightness of the snow reminds me of the brightness of the sun. The people outside all go out and have some fun, it reminds me of the warm spring days that I love of people and joy and fun and going out and playing sports and watching other people play sports, and eating a hot dog, or a Empanada, or anything that would sustain my stomach for the rest of the day. It reminds me of the fresh warm air, of life that spreads through the city, through the state through the country, and it reminds me of the beautiful and best times I spend with my family, Maybe that's why I like anything that reminds me of spring it does not necessarily have to be warm for it to remind me of spring but things like brightness of day or amount of people in the park, or the smell of the air, or the feeling of the day would remind me of this. My point of all this writing that really had no organization at all it was more like a free write about what I feel today and why I feel like this. It was more a reflection of myself through a day, and through the eyes of the sky.
The sad sky can also tell many stories, and inspire many thoughts and feelings, all i know is this Grey sky can bring my moods as dull as its color.
Today the sky instead shows a color of blue, and the brightness of the sun brighten up that blue more and more, I don't think that it can get any more bluer than it already is. I love it when the sky brights up like that, it gives me more encouragement to wake up and go make breakfast, and walk outside and go to school, although sometimes school keeps me from staying outside but I like the trip that I take from my home to school, so its kind of worth it. Then after school I would go with my friends out and play or when I have to do work, like homework and school stuff like I have to do now, I would finish them up really quickly and then go outside, without a problem at all and no one ever says anything to me. Noe one tells me I should not do it like that, or I should not pay attention as much, or I should skip Homework, or skip going outside to play. I feel free to do whatever I want without any restrictions of weather of being uncomfortable and stuff, although I can say sometimes I cant stay outside for very long and I have to be home at certain times sometimes.
Work, and school, and stuff to do, sometimes I feel like I don't have enough time, and then when I go out and play I feel like I have the time of the world.
I realized I am not very good at organizing my things to do during the day. I feel that sometimes I do stuff that should not take long and stuff that are supposed to take long, I don't give it enough tome. So maybe I need to figure out things more clearly in my head of what I want to do what I have to do, and what I am actually going to do. I also realized that at the end when it comes down to stuff that I have to do I leave it until the very end because of my laziness. People say its because I am procrastinating and I don't want to do all the work and I am play now, work later, but maybe they are right, but at the end when I make up the work it does not seem really hard to do. Although I don't get enough points on it because of the time I bring it in. I just am worried that if I ever do the work, and I am glad when I actually do it, that way I don't have to be sad or mad at myself and feeling guilty that I never did it before.