"A student's uniqueness derives from within..."

Dearest Dean Tinker:

I think it’s high time we had a little chat about this whole uniform thing. How’s about it? What do you say to a quick gabfest, big guy? So here’s my beef.

The entire idea behind uniform regulations is to promote unity and prevent teasing, right? Uniforms are an extreme method meant to control an ever-changing school population and I think they’re pretty darn effective, as a whole. Personally, I love not having to pick out outfits for every single day. I wouldn’t last a week at a public school. Remember the 2 weeks of free dress the bishop gave us last year? Dear God. Never again.

What I’m saying is that the idea of clothing parameters is appealing, but do we have to be so particular about things? Honestly, did you have to write me up the time my socks didn’t match? Who cares if the freshman girls want to wear those hideous Ugg calamities come wintertime? Isn’t it a little soulless to punish the people who coughed up $40 for a pair of Tom’s shoes just because they “have no soles”? You must not know how that company works, because it’s not exactly devil worship, man. That Tom is a good dude. Anyway, y’all need to chill. I should be able to wear brown socks with my school-friendly brown shoes. Common sense. Maybe if some logic was applied to these rules, we could reach some sort of happy medium. The student body was awarded two small victories this year, what with the hoodie and long-sleeve rolling changes, but why would we get to roll our long-sleeves and not our short-sleeves? True, we could wear short sleeves instead of rolling the long sleeves, but what are we supposed to wear when even the short sleeves are too hot in that smelly bathroom in the girl’s locker room? Riddle me that, Student Handbook!

Just sleep on it, please. And as you rest, I hope you dream of a world where students and deans live in peace, as I do every night. One love, brother.

Sincerely,

Analizzle Sisnizzle, MD