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When The Dust Settles

Discussion
Oct 15, 2008
by: y2010annstr
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When the dust settles,
Will you still be there, waiting for me?
Will the resonance of my worlds still ring through your ears while your feet shuffle through the fallen leaves?
I sure hope so.
I sure hope that when you look into the mirror on rainy Sunday mornings that you will see me through the fog of your glass eyes.
Or, perhaps,
I can just dance along the whites of the clouds
And you can look up and smile
Because you will have no doubt that I will be there.
And when the dust settles,
Do not be afraid of the future that you hold in between the wrinkles of your palms.
Because the lines can only take you places,
Places unknown and places where peace is hidden behind the crescent moon.
So when the dust settles,
Have no more reservations and fear absolutely nothing.
And please don’t forget to come visit me,
In the heavens.

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

The description in this poem

Submitted by y2010eripau on Mon, 2008-10-27 12:12.

The description in this poem is really effective. Many poems similar to this come off as corny, but the lines used in your poem are really beautiful. My favorite line: "Do not be afraid of the future that you hold in between the wrinkles of your palms.

Because the lines can only take you places"
 
I also really like how you changed the line "when the dust settles" as you repeated it by adding "and" and "so"
 
 

 

I totally agree with

Submitted by 14tauba on Sat, 2009-01-10 14:30.

I totally agree with everything you said, that's my favorite line too, and poems like this do usually come out corny.

 

=*) =80 =? =b Ariel T. Baccalaureate School For Global Education

i don't know what to

Submitted by 14tauba on Sat, 2009-01-10 14:28.

i don't know what to say

It's sad and happy at the same time, i really loved your poem.

 

 

=*) =80 =? =b Ariel T. Baccalaureate School For Global Education

this poem gave me shivers. I

Submitted by Shelby18 on Sun, 2009-01-18 14:25.

this poem gave me shivers. I enjoyed the repetition of "when the dust settles". I think your diction is great, and so is the emotion. The flow could use a little bit of work. Don't take this the wrong way, because the poem as a whole was amazing, but perhaps consider different line breaks? Also, it might help to expand on the poem, and maybe even break it up into different standzas. What the poem says to me is too deep to explain with words. Overall, phenomenal, this poem really inspired me to become a better writer.

Critique

Submitted by stephyfresh on Sun, 2009-01-25 21:14.

I really enjoyed this poem. At first I was a bit hesistant but it was beautiful. You have amazing imagery or figurative language in general. Your diction is wonderful, as mentioned before. I like your word usuage.

Your syntax and as mentioned before, flow needs a bit work. At some parts I got a bit confused because it was all jumbled up but it fixed itself later.

My favorite line was, "I sure hope that when you look into the mirror on rainy Sunday mornings that you will see me through the fog of your glass eyes."  This is beatiful imagery and creates a perfect picture. I saw exactly what you were talking about.

the poem

Submitted by Phoenix on Sun, 2009-01-25 23:20.

I like what you say in the poem about dust settling, but I like even better the whole bit about dust settling in the lines of your hands, and lines taking you places. It makes you think that your hands are a map of your life, that each crease is another road to go along. Really liike this piece and the whole idea you have going. Keep writing.

Phoenix