Who are you for me to please?

Apr 11, 2012
by: dianai

I have this mindset that seems to drive me crazy. You are probably wondering what in the world it could be, right? Well, is the fact that I put people feelings or desire over my own. So, if I’m getting dressed for a night out with friends or even a school trip, I rampage my closet more for what people would like on me than what I would like on myself. And this feeling just doesn’t occur with clothes but it always occurs on how I speak, talk, smile even walk. Seems to me the older I’ve become, the more I feel the urge to please people. I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff with these thoughts and feelings.

I went through quizzes and articles about people pleasers. All the quizzes ask the same question like ,do you get stuff because it what someone else like? All the articles and quizzes seem to get at that it is harmful. But there this one article that seem to catch my attention. It’s called “People-pleasing personality.” And what is so interesting about this article is it have two point of view of how people see you and how you see yourself. So imagine every type of insecure thoughts you feel or felt on a list, neatly organized by dots. Than as I was reading on the list made about a people pleaser personality ,I seen totally ridiculous truth about pleaser but is how I like most people pleaser think or feel.
I must be careful in my decision making so as not to upset anyone.
I must work harder to make things better for others.
Do not know how to relax
Inability to make a decision
Chronic state of self-deprecation
Chronic state of being hard on self
Lack of trust in others' sincerity
Chronic state of insecurity in interacting with others

These list go on a bit more.( P.S Chronic means long lasting.)

Well, this list may look ridiculous to those of you who are not people pleaser. But let me explain it a little more. ”I must be careful in my decision making so as not to upset anyone.” This list is basically what I try to avoid on a daily bases. So if I doing a project at school with anyone I try my best to agree with the person beliefs and not disagree. I must work harder to make things better for others. Well, another daily routine of mine. I always try to talk more if someone is bored to make them feel less bored or say what they’ll like to hear. Lack of trust in others' sincerity.If I seen someone saying my name I automatically think they are talking badly about me.

When I was younger I could have cared less what people thought or wanted. But when I came to live with my parents in the United States, that is where my people -pleasing behavior, I believe have begun to grow. I wanted to please my parents (still do). I wanted to prove to them that I was great. As I went to through elementary school, I have begun to see I am different from everyone else. It was signaled to me that I was not worthy for belonging or appreciation by my peer and I quickly eat it up. I have talked less. I muted my emotion. And most importantly I rely on the happiness of others to make myself happy ( That was my biggest mistake). Now I can not even turn the back of my head without being afraid people might not like the back of my head. The thing that drive me crazy is there is step online about how to get rid of your people pleasing personality. I find that outrageous. They make sound like I want to remove makeup or something. It is not that easy. It something that I have been doing since I was 10. But if it is helpful for other people that is completely understandable.

so basically the post is to inform about people pleasing. People pleasing is a personality someone might develop and if you continue to people please you might end up a pushover or live a very unhappy life. for more information got to:



Dear Diani, I believe your

Submitted by ninaallen on Sun, 2012-04-15 17:08.

Dear Diani,
I believe your post presents a very interesting point. Our society in the United States has such a fascination with competition and being the best by pleasing those around them. I see this "pleasing" more than ever with th young. There is so much pressure on the young to achieve the goals and aspirations of their parents and others. While the motivation is sometimes helpful, it can also stress many out. I believe that if any individual is happy with their live and achievement, pleasing anyone shouldn't matter. Self contentment is key.

Thank you!

Submitted by dianai on Sun, 2012-04-15 17:31.

Thank You Nina for your comment. And it's true parent but a lot of pressure on teenagers. Many say that is the cause of many people pleasing personality.