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Why Do I Get Jealous in a Relationship?!?!?!?

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Feb 28, 2012
by: concha
Untitled by Zoe_D27 a Youth Voices pool photographer on Flickr..

Something that I have been interested in learning more about has been jealousy in a relationship. I remember one of my friends was talking about it last week, but she didn’t explain exactly why she was jealous of other girls while she’s in a relationship. Lately, this issue has caught my eye again. I know that many people feel that jealousy can end a relationship. From what I have heard, people get jealous because they are afraid to lose their mate to someone else. Now that’s just what I heard, it may or may not be true.

One thing that I know for sure about jealousy in a relationship is that a feeling like that is so strong that it can break up a relationship. Now, I’ve studied my share of human minds, and I know that you can’t control the feeling of jealousy. Personally, it’s funny to me how a little bit of jealousy can lead to such a big mark. I’ve heard of good relationships being broken up because of jealousy.

Jealousy was important in my past. When I was in a relationship, I used to get jealous of all the girls that would write on my boyfriend’s wall on Facebook. I’m single now, but I get jealous when I see my sister with her boyfriend or if I see “cuffing” pictures on Tumblr. Sometimes I get lonely and want to feel loved by someone else besides family; but, I do love my family.

Being that I didn’t have a lot of background information on jealousy in a relationship, I chose to do some research on the topic. As I searched for blogs and news articles on Google, I came across this one article: “How Does Jealousy Affect a Relationship?” http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4623805_jealousy-affect-relationship.html This article provided a lot of information and opinion on jealousy affecting a relationship. Some people felt that jealousy while in a relationship can be controlled as long as you are honest and opened with your partner. “The first effect of excessive jealousy is that it causes continual fear, worry and even paranoia in the one who is jealous.” This statement didn’t really surprise me all that much, because everyone is afraid to lose someone they love.

In another article http://www.unp.me/f38/how-to-avoid-jealousy-in-relationships-34070/ there was this one statement that made me nod my head in agreement with the writer. It was: “Jealousy, for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at the one thing that holds it together: trust.” This is so true, because without trust there shouldn’t even be a relationship at all. Jealousy can cause people to do crazy things and make their mate feel uncomfortable and want to end the relationship.

All of this makes me think that jealousy can really effect a relationship in many negative ways. If a person tells their mate not to do certain things or not to talk to people of the opposite sex then there would be issues between them and their relationship. They wouldn’t be able to do the things they did before being in a relationship such as, being friendly, sociable, and caring. The mate will take that as a threat toward him or her making them want to put a relationship to an end. Point is, everyone wants a person for themselves.

Comments

Dear Chasity: I did a post on

Submitted by michellea on Fri, 2012-03-02 11:30.

Dear Chasity:

I did a post on jealousy you should check them out.
http://youthvoices.net/discussion/end-he-always-comes-home-me

And my boyfriend did a post to this topic too
http://youthvoices.net/discussion/jealousy-green-eyed-monster
http://youthvoices.net/discussion/jealousy

I agree with what you said "One thing that I know for sure about jealousy in a relationship is that a feeling like that is so strong that it can break up a relationship". I think it can come between a couple that love each other. I was never the jealous type. I dated this guy, and he really messed me up. Every guy that came after him, I was a HUGE jealous person.

"Some people felt that jealousy while in a relationship can be controlled as long as you are honest and opened with your partner". I don't think this is entirely true. I tell my boyfriend everything, and he's still a jealous type. At times it's cute, but sometimes I think he gets a little too jealous. I can't blame him cause I do the same :/

I do think this is true "If a person tells their mate not to do certain things or not to talk to people of the opposite sex then there would be issues between them and their relationship". I tell my boyfriend what girls he can talk to and the ones he can't. It's not that I'm jealous, it's just I don't trust the girl. My best friend tried to bag my boyfriend -_- So for that, I don't let him be so buddy buddy with my friends.

I liked you post (:

Michelle <3

Thank you for your comment,

Submitted by concha on Fri, 2012-03-02 13:48.

Thank you for your comment, Michelle!

Everyone gets jealous for the right reasons. When you wrote: "It's not that I'm jealous, it's just I don't trust the girl." I agree with that 100000000000% Girls can be very challenging. Sometimes girls do or say things to a boy on purpose so his girlfriend (you in this case) can get jealous then become upset with him.

I can relate to your last paragraph when you wrote: "My best friend tried to bag my boyfriend -_- So for that, I don't let him be so buddy buddy with my friends." When I was in a relationship, one of my friend's tried to flirt with my boyfriend on Facebook through his inbox. He gave me his password so I can see the proof, and she was trying to flirt with him. She wanted to hang out with him, sending him kissy faces, hearts, and etc. The best thing to do in that situation is to just unfriend her on Facebook and in the real world. You don't need anyone like that in your life.

You would just have to be more aware of girls when they around him or when they are to buddy buddy with your boyfriend. Jealousy can break end your relationship.

xo, Chasity <3

Chasity: Thanks for

Submitted by michellea on Tue, 2012-03-06 14:44.

Chasity: Thanks for responding.

Yeah, your right. They can be very challenging and at times, idk how to deal with it. And yeah my friend flirted with him when I went to the bathroom. I got really upset because she knew I liked him, and she had a boyfriend.

I know, he can be friends with my friends but he is NOT able to have them on Facebook or any time of contact. Like why should they talk, unless it's about me, right?

Michelle <3

Yes! I agree, your friends

Submitted by concha on Tue, 2012-03-06 16:03.

Yes! I agree, your friends shouldn't be as close to them unless they talking positive things about you.

I hope you guys last! Thanks for your comments :] I appreciate it.

Thank you <3

Submitted by michellea on Mon, 2012-04-02 13:11.

Thank you <3

Dear: Chasity Im the last

Submitted by poreve on Mon, 2012-03-05 12:42.

Dear: Chasity

Im the last person that you would think would read your post. Im not going to lie, I related a lot with you and even tho we have what we have. You need to be a strong person and show that guy that you trust him and even tho you are jealous make him think you are not. Why? Because that makes them see that if they leave you, your still going to be strong and not worry about them. Don't get jealous of other girls because they write things on your mans Facebook and don't get sad when you see tumblr pictures. Be happy for your sister, give other girls advice and it will happen to you. Just like Karma can be mean she can also be nice. You cant let your jealousy take over you. "One thing that I know for sure about jealousy in a relationship is that a feeling like that is so strong that it can break up a relationship" If you know this why you do it. Me and you don't get along like that but the person that you hate the most is actually trying to help you in the future. I am just like you but I didn't let a guy ruing my life and i didn't let "Jealousy" take over.

Thank you for your feedback,

Submitted by concha on Tue, 2012-03-06 16:22.

Thank you for your feedback, but I'm not sure if you are agreeing with me or not. I am happy for my sister. She's in love which I find very cute. I know now I won't find a long lasting relationship because I'm still young, but I would like to someday. Eventually everyone in their life is going to get jealous, but some will take it to the heart and some won't.

In my point of view, I would never let jealousy take over. I would tell my boyfriend how I feel and if he really cares he would do something about it. Jealousy is a feeling nobody likes, but it just happens. Everyone wants a strong healthy relationship, but if a girl comes in between then you are going to get jealous. You want a person for yourself, so jealous is completely normal.

xo, Chasity <3

Reply to comment | Youth Voices

Submitted by Forgot Windows password on Fri, 2013-10-11 04:55.

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net. Shame on Google for no longer positioning this post higher!

Come on over and visit my web site . Thank you =)

lol.

Submitted by rodjus on Tue, 2012-03-06 16:09.

me aswell. i get jealous but i love my girlfriend.
i trust her too.
but i guess jealously shows that you care.

Justin! "Aswell" is two words

Submitted by concha on Tue, 2012-03-06 16:39.

Justin! "Aswell" is two words not one. Love is a strong word and trust is too. In a relationship trust and communication should be #1. Some people view jealousy as "caring", but I don't. Sometimes it can be cute if a boy gets jealous, but sometimes they go over board and start being too over protective with their girlfriend. In that case the girl wouldn't approve of that and eventually will end the relationship. I'm pretty sure no one will want to end a relationship over jealousy.

Justin, you're like my brother and I know you get jealous. Just let her breath; try not to smother her too much about other boys. If you trust her you shouldn't have to be jealous as much as you are. I know she gets jealous over other girls, but in the end you both love each other. If your relationship is really strong enough, you wouldn't argue too much about someone of the opposite sex.

xo, Chasity <3

i get over protective with

Submitted by rodjus on Tue, 2012-03-06 16:48.

i get over protective with her. but i want to show her that i really care. i want her to know how much she means the world to me and how no one with ever take her place. I know that i am young and some people who are older has experienced love before me will say that i am going through a stage called "puppy love". But this isn't like other times where i tell girls the same thing over and over. Then i come up with new ways to flatter them.
But i can't do that with my girlfriend. She has done to many things that i put smiles on my face. No other girl can do that.
I can say that i actually care about her a lot.
I've never felt like this about a girl. Although i may have said it to other girls but this time i s real.
I'm jealous because i have reach a new stage of feelings towards a person that i never knew could happen.
-xo, justin.

Dear, Chasity I loved your

Submitted by merliz on Wed, 2012-03-07 12:39.

Dear, Chasity

I loved your post “Why Do I Get Jealous in a Relationship?!?!?!?” Because I have always wanted to know do boys get jealous as well as us girls do. One sentence that stand out for me was: " If a person tells their mate not to do certain things or not to talk to people of the opposite sex then there would be issues between them and their relationship." Because, this is something that most girls would tell their boyfriends. Girls would be the first ones in the relationship to set rules.

Another sentence that stood out for me was "The mate will take that as a threat toward him or her making them want to put a relationship to an end." Because, Ones you don’t connect with your mate and don’t have control of their jealousy things will become difficult to keep.

Your post reminds me of something that happen to me when I used to be in a relationship and my boyfriend would just say things that made me feel jealous are curious about our relationship.

Thanks for your writing, I look forward to seeing what you write about next, because your post was good and something I could relate to.

Hello, I'm a guy - called

Submitted by Dan on Sat, 2012-09-29 18:23.

Hello, I'm a guy - called Dan! Smile This argument applies to both men and women in the scenario of jealousy, if a boyfriend/girlfriend loves their girlfriend/boyfriend then they should understand why they feel jealous, as opposed to believing that it is simply them trying to control their loved one - they AREN'T!

Guys DO get jealous. It's a horrible feeling, in my opinion it is the feeling of true love! You don't get jealous when you're with someone who means nothing to you, it is only the case when you are with someone that completes you and bends your mind into the mentality that "no one can ever take their place" - which is (in my opinion) the inceptive thought of jealousy.

     A guy will begin by feeling self-conscious, unimportant and as if he is not good enough for the girl. His girlfriend will usually spot this and make a comment. The usual response of a girl is rather feminist (not having a go about feminism) and so makes the boyfriend feel horrible about his jealousy and as if the girl is trying to justify her actions - why else would she do this if she was actively trying to dress in a way that seems to the boyfriend inappropriate.

     The boyfriend doesn't think you look like a slut, nor does he think that you look unnattractive. Of course he doesn't think this, he thinks that they're the most beautiful person in the world (constantly) and that the two of them have only eyes for each other. Much like the idium of "eyes for each other" the boy believes in the idium of "bodies for one another"... this means that the boy will believe that only the other member of the relationship should see girls in a way in which a girls "main" features are put on display (girls DO put their bodies on display, for attention... not necessarily sexual, but a guy knows how guys think and he doesn't want guys being able to see the girl in that way).

     I personally believe that girls don't look beautiful because you can see their almost bare boobs, long legs and arses - a girl looks beautiful as a whole. They look beautiful through the way they act and their face... it is in the nature of humans to stick with one mate for life (if we look at this in a biological manner) and yet, women have formed a fashion around a much less personal kind of attention. They crave sexual attention, a style that makes a guy look at the girl in a sexual way and try to, essentially, grope, fondle and observe their sex-related features, and perhaps even try to go far enough to attempt to attain sex.

     This is kind of acceptable with girls who are single, because they might be looking for that kind of thing - but a girl in a relationship shouldn't really be looking for that kind of attention, not only does it make the male of the relationship feel jealous, but it also makes them feel as if they are not enough for the girl which they should be, as the girlfriend's attention is more than enough for the boy.

     Overall, BOTH guys and girls SHOULD treat their partners feelings with respect... neither is telling the other "what to do" like a slavedriver, they are telling one another how much they love the person and want them to be the person who makes them complete. So, put away your pride, sexism and feminism arguments, because it isn't specific to one gender. Everyone wants their girlfriend or spouse to be the only person they look at and think about, and they want them to think the same as well. Don't throw a relationship away because someone is displaying how much they love you by showing how much they value your body and mind.

     I genuinely love my girlfriend and I would never do anything to hurt her, therefore my acts of jealousy are completely love driven, not hurtful actions. Don't confuse jealousy for an attempt of control... it isn't, it is a display of 100% body and mind affection for the person you love.

 

     I wish everyone the best of luck in their relationships! There's nothing better than having someone who becomes a part of you and completes your entire being - giving your life eternal purpose and splendour!

Dear Chasity,I am very

Submitted by dormah on Mon, 2012-03-12 21:14.

Dear Chasity,
I am very interested by this post “Why Do I Get Jealous in Relationship?!?!?!?’’because your post is very interesting. In a relationship when there is jealousy I believe the relationship will never work the way you want it to. Mainly it would not work because you do not believe in the person no matter how convincing they are to you.You will not be able to over come your jealously no matter what he or she say.

One sentence you wrote that stood out for me is, ‘’I’ve heard of good relationships being broken up because of jealousy.” I agree with you in this sentence because it is like a life experience that happen to me. Jealousy had cause me to lose a person I loved in my life.

Another sentence you wrote that I liked was, ‘’Jealousy was important in my past.” I agree with you because from my experiences I don’t think that because of jealousy I would tear one of my relations apart again.

I could relate this post to myself. Also I think that people should read your post because you have good information.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, I really enjoy reading your post and it was interesting.

great post

Submitted by piequa on Wed, 2012-03-21 21:07.

Dear Chasity:

I enjoyed reading your post, "Why do i get jealous in a relationship?" This post was nice, and I could relate it to a lot.

One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is: "One thing that I know for sure about jealousy in a relationship is that a feeling like that is so strong that it can break up a relationship." I think this statement is interesting because I believe the same thing. Many of my friends have told me about their relationships, and how they’ve broken up because of one’s jealousy. Another sentence that stood out to me was: "When I was in a relationship, I used to get jealous of all the girls that would write on my boyfriend’s wall on Facebook." This stood out for me because at times I’ll get jealous if someone post on my boyfriend’s wall, but I always get over it because I know I am number one in his life.

Your poem reminds me of something that happened to me. One time I was going to beat up a girl because she was doing too much for me. She did things purposely to my boyfriend to try and get me jealous, but I know where I stand so it’ll never phase me. I think that girls can be insecure in a relationship, but they have every right to. As long as you know where you stand in someone’s life, you should never have to worry.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because this was a very interesting topic. I always asked this question, and now I don't have to do my own research.

Dear Chasity: I enjoyed

Submitted by albeli on Thu, 2012-03-29 20:01.

Dear Chasity:

I enjoyed reading your post, "Why do i get jealous in a relationship?". I enjoyed it because sometimes I wonder why my girlfriend gets jealous and you kinda explained most reasons why she might be getting feeling like that way. Also I think your post was really good.

One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is "One thing that I know for sure about jealousy in a relationship is that a feeling like that is so strong that it can break up a relationship." I think this statement is interesting because I believe the same thing. Many people and many of my friends have told me about their relationships and how they have broken up because of the reason that they were jealous. Me personally am not the jealous type because I feel that there isnt anything to be jealous about. As long as my girlfriend isn't flirting with anyone or isn't talking about another boy. I kinda like that other people find her attractive it just lets me now that I have good taste in women.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because I think you might have something else I might find interesting.

Marriage versus Relationships

Submitted by Yusuf de Bruijn on Sun, 2012-10-07 07:02.

Peace!

Relationships are based on the false assumption that the person wants to really be with you, however soon enough alot of women and men also are 'dumped' for someone else! In a marriage you both are making a committment to work together, to live together with respect & real love and share your lives together. In a relationship, there is no respect in the same way as marriage is and I see it as a cheap way to 'act out ones own lower desires'. Both men and women have to understand that jumping from one partner to another just for the sake of our lower desires, soon eats away at your heart and your soul and you end up only fooling yourself. Making a committment with someone through marriage, deminishes those jealous feelings as you go through those moments in life in which you do need eachother, but when your in a 'relationship', you deny the full rigths of your partner and you live on a string, which could break anytime when it gets strained. Marriage is a protection for both couples, even if you think nothing of it, I would rather show respect to my spouse in marriage, then fool myself in a 'relationship'. I just wouldnt like to live like that. If your in a marriage, you have more rights, especially for the woman, so why would anyone want anything less than that?

Awesome!!

Submitted by lesher on Fri, 2013-04-19 14:02.

Dear Chasity:

I am interested with your post, "Why Do I Get Jealous in a Relationship?!?!?!?, " because there's a lot of people that are really jealous with their mate. I am interested with your topic because jealousy has ruined my relationship.

One sentence you wrote that stands out for me is: "People get jealous because they are afraid to lose their mate to someone else." I think this is true because they are just protecting what is theirs. This sentence stood out to me because it happen in all relationships, but at the same time its mad because by doing that they are losing their mates.

Another sentence that I stood out to me was: "I know that you can’t control the feeling of jealousy." This stood out for me because when I get jealous I try not to show it. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I say this because I wouldn't like someone to feel that I care of what they doing, and with whom they were spending time with.

I do strongly agree with you that jealousy can end a relationship. One reason I say this is because then people gets tired of their jealousy. Another reason I agree with you is because their partners must be feeling that they can't trust him/her.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because I enjoyed reading your post. I look forward for your next post to relate to it and express my thoughts about it.

Jealousy

Submitted by telmck on Tue, 2013-05-07 14:03.

I like your post “Why do we hurt the ones we love the most?” because the title is what has brought me to your post in the first place and I thought you know a lot about this topic. I also like your topic because in most relationships girls tends to be the most jealous one.

One quote that stood out for me is “One thing that I know for sure about jealousy in a relationship is that a feeling like that is so strong that it can break up a relationship.” With that quote from what I have seen in my school where jealousy have gotten in the way of relationships and that could be bad because you go to the same school as that person, and you have to see their face every day. This also stood out for me because jealousy is a very strong word that some people use out of context sometime.

Another quote that I looked at was “All of this makes me think that jealousy can really affect a relationship in many negative ways.” I looked at this quote closely because jealousy could mean a lot of things in a relationship, and why wouldn’t jealousy in a relationship be a bad thing in the first place? Also you have to look at this topic in so many different ways.

Thanks for your writing. I look forward to seeing what you write next, because I have seen this happen to so many people around me where they make jealousy get into to the way of a good relationship. I also want to know if your point of view have change on your topic.

Wow...

Submitted by gabcab on Tue, 2013-05-07 15:18.

Dear Chasity :

I really enjoy your post on why people get jealous on relationships and their effects. You were able to explain to me why certain perfect relationship could end up in ruins because of this little term called jealousy. Even though I do not really consider myself being a really jealous person I feel that I could relate to your post.

One quote that stands out for me was “ Some people felt that jealousy while in a relationship can be controlled as long as you are honest and opened with your partner. This stood out for me because I believe that the whole reason why people get jealous is because they do not trust that person. So as long as your partner know that you would be honest with them I don't think there would be a reason to be jealous. Also i believe that jealousy is a strong feeling and if you already have something you shouldn't be jealous because someone else wants it.

Another quote that stands out for me was “ Point is, everyone wants a person for themselves.” This stands out for me because even though it sound weird, it is a true statement. everyone like to feel as they are being loved and valued by a special person. Nobody wants to share a person with all the people that are in the world. I believe everyone has their matching mate somewhere in the world ; it just takes the right person to look for it.

Thank you for writing this article. I was really entertained and informed throughout the entire document. Also i really enjoyed how you supported your opinion with different quotes through the post.You picked a really well known topic of relationships, but I enjoyed how your article focus was on relationships . Keep up the good writing !

I thought it was over for me

Submitted by lisa nadia on Mon, 2014-09-08 02:02.

I thought it was over for me when my ex left. I gave all i have for the relationship to work but it was all failure. 4month after my partner left me for another person, i was introduced to prophet James and he helped me bring back my ex in 48hrs. Now we are fully married and i am 2months pregnant. I promised prophet James that i will tell everybody about him if it works. I am very glad for living a happy life with my love. He did it for me and i am 100% sure that he will do yours. I am a living example. you can contact him on prophetjamesspelltemple@hotmail.com